 |
|
 |
|
April
2009 |
|
|
“APRIL is the cruellest month” is the famous opening line of T.S. Eliot’s "The Waste Land". Like the Palins’, April is pregnant with the promise of spring, but it's not quite there. Nature torments us with a glorious Bear thunderstorm, a few days of balmy Bull weather, and then A.I.G. snow. April is toying with us. Of course, I have no idea what Mr. Eliot had in mind. But April is certainly a cruel, cruel month especially this year with the tax collector beating at the door during these hard economic times, crueler than any April Fools prank. However April does contain Easter and all the hope that implies. Let us trust that President Obama’s seeds of stimuli will blossom in the sun, weather the storms and sprout in May.
|
|
Weight Watchers New York is teaming up with Mattel to open up Barbie’s Place (Barbie is celebrating her 50th anniversary this year). All of the items on the menu are in “points.” The staff are Barbie and Ken look-alikes and change wardrobe throughout the evening. A new diner is opening on Wall Street called “Trader Dicks.” They offer blue plate specials every day: Chase Silver Dollar Pancakes, Citi Sliders, AIG sour dough bread, and Detroit Fat-reduced Burgers. All washed down with Federal Reserve wines. Armani has opened a super deluxe multimillion dollar emporium on Fifth Avenue that houses all his lines including Armani Casa and Exchange. A very elegant restaurant is on the top floor with breathtaking views of the envious Gucci store across the street.
Openings:
JW
Bushes - Pork and Beans
Nip/Tuck
- Fat free foods
Madoff's
- Billion dollar steaks
MTVs
- Times Square Video Café
|
|
Strapped for cash, St. Patrick's Cathedral is going retro and adding an “Indulgence Shop” at the rear of the nave. You can buy “pray away” discount cards in denominations of 1, 5 or 10 years to lessen your time in Purgatory. They are also partnering with the Westin in a new line of “heavenly beds” that come in “Cardinal”, “Monsignor” and “Abbess” sizes and can be blessed by your local priest upon delivery. Also the new archbishop from Milwaukee is installing a Dollar-A-Cup, Miller Beer Fountain in the vestry to replace the font. Not to be outdone, Temple Emanuel is opening a “Bargain Basement” with discounts on Isaac Mizrahi yarmulkes, DKNY monogrammed prayer shawls and Martha Stewart 199 Thread Count Egyptian sheets (made with no straw) with finished cut out holes.
Openings:
Debits
Field - Met's Stadium in Flushing
Jiminy Cricket
Field - Staten Island
Duane
Reade Museum - On every corner
Closings:
Sports
Museum
Le
Cirque du Soufflé
|
|
Gimmicky boutique hotels are all the rage: Night Hotel is gothic black while the Dream Hotel bubbles up with Freudian phantasmagoria. The latest addition is the Presidential All Suites Hotel. The rooms are democratically proportioned. Security checks you in with pomp and circumstance as a small band plays “Hail to the Chief.” Room Secret Service is available 24 hours and features wines from Thomas Jefferson’s collection, Dolly Madison ice cream, Carter's peanuts, Jackson barbecue, Adams gum, Fillmore’s filberts, and pig in a Polk. The Lincoln Suite has a cabin motif complete with a life size set of Lincoln Logs. The FDR room has two separate beds with an adjoining bedroom for a discreet tryst. The JFK Room has Marilyn Monroe memorabilia and a wooden rocking chair. Even Obama has a suite with a Hillary Dart Board and the complete recordings of Etta James.
Boutique Hotels:
Governors
House - special hourly rates
Michelle's
Arms
Slum
Dog Hostel - Indian food room service
Purina
Cat House - for "ladies" only
|
|
Comic book heroes are saving Broadway. Spider Man is flying into the Hilton Theatre next January with music by Bono and The Edge, directed by Julie Taymor of Lion King fame. In order to raise money for California’s budget, Gov. Schwarzenegger is doing a limited run of Conan! - All Singing All Dancing All Deltoid. And our own governor is doing a benefit performance of The Miracle Worker with Patty Duke, this time playing Anne Sullivan with Patterson as Helen Keller in the famous wah-wah for water scene. Two non-musical entries are the psychological gay drama: Who's Afraid of Batman and Robin? and the erotic who-done-it starring Super Girl and Iron Man: Boy Am I Thor!
Openings:
Blue
Man Group with the Dalai Lama
Nine
to Five
Beat
It! with Michael Jackson
Dancing
with the Stars at the American Museum
jkjjof Natural History
Closings:
Not
So Little Foxes - Loves of Anderson Cooper
American
Idle - History of General Motors
Minnesota
Spats - The Senate Race
Briggs, Inc. - 1501 Broadway
- New York, NY 10036 - 212-354-9440
Email:
info@briggsnyc.com Website: http://www.briggsnyc.com
This email was sent to: #email#
To SUBSCRIBE to the Briggs Beat,
PLEASE CLICK HERE. To UNSUBSCRIBE from the Briggs Beat,
PLEASE CLICK HERE.
Copyright Briggs Inc. © 2009